How to survive a horror movie

It's almost Halloween and i want to make sure all my little duckies don't get hacked to bits by some guy in a hockey mask, stabbed by a killer doll, murdered in the nightmare realm, experimented on by freaks in the hills on some retard camping trip, or just genral murdered by any psycho.
so here is some tips.
-Never say that you'll be right back because you won't be.
-Always make sure that your car has a fresh battery so it will start immediately in times of crisis.
-When you're searching a house because you think there's something dangerous there, for God's sake turn the bloody lights on!
-If you're running from the monster, expect to trip or fall down at least twice, more if you are of the female persuasion. Also note that, despite the fact that you are running and the monster is merely shambling along, it's still moving fast enough to catch up with you.
-If you find a town which looks deserted, it's probably for a good reason. Take the hint and stay away.
-Always check the back seat of your car.
-If you find that your house is built upon or near a cemetery, that was once a church that was used for black masses, had previous inhabitants who went mad or committed suicide or died in some horrible fashion, or had inhabitants who performed necrophilia or satanic practices, move away immediately.
-If you come into possession of a strange old artifact and any exotic person (old wizened oriental, gypsy, indian medicine man) warns you to do/not do something, do not do just the opposite in order to demonstrate how silly they are.
-Kill the person in the group who suggests that you split up. They will eventually get you killed.
- If your friend turns into a demon and then suddenly turns back to normal, kill them because they are not normal!(Unless its me because i can explain that)
-Take heed of all warnings from animals and children. They usually know more than you do.
-When it appears that you have killed the monster, never check to see if it's really dead.
-Stay away from certain geographical locations. Such as: Amityville, Elm Street, Transylvania, Nilbog, the Bermuda Triangle or any small town in Maine.
-Always be nice to the shy, quiet, unpopular girl in school.
-Never back out of one room into another without looking. It’s always behind you.
-If the killer is standing three feet in front of you, don’t just stand there and scream while he comes running towards you. It may comes as a shock, but he DOES in fact want to kill you.
-If the killer if after you and you somehow manage to knock him down,
don’t get up and run for help. Believe me, he will stay down much longer
after you kick him a couple times.
-Kill the Scientist. No matter what else you do, kill him off right away. They always want to study “it,” or take “it” back to the corporate masters, or learn from “it” at the expense of comrades lives. Eggheads are always trying to understand the unknown, and get nearly everyone killed doing it. Get a clue, kill the guy with the pocket protector, he’s going to sacrifice you anyway.
-When and if you fall while running and the killer/monster is near you, don’t just sit there screaming like someone will hear you. Get up and RUN!!
-If you are fleeing from a killer or supernatural being and you see a cop car, run right by it. There are three possible ways that things will turn out if you try to get the cops attention and none are good:

A. The cop is already dead in some gruesome way that will cause you to scream and alert the killer/monster as to where you are.

B. The cop will probably end up dead as he tries to help you, this will only distract the killer away from you for a few seconds, but chances are you will end up getting killed anyway.

C. The supernatural being has assumed the form of a cop and just when you
think you are safe…he will kill you.
-If one night you see a dark haired girl carrying around dolls with the eyes scratched out, back away slowly, then run like hell.
-Never listen to strange voices on the telephone.
-If you find the mangled body of a friend, camping partner, janitor, or whom ever, don’t stay and investigate. Run like hell.
-Never hide in a closet.
-Never wait until you NEED the gun to check and see if it’s loaded.
-If you hear a strange noise coming from upstairs that sounds similar to, oh let’s say a severed head falling to the floor, don’t go trying to find out what it is.
-Never answer the phone when you are babysititng. Just get the hell out of there and leave the kids for dead
-If running from the monster/killer, try to make the least amount of noise possible. Especially if you are female. Panting, crying and screaming is not going to help you hide any better.
-If the young girls of the neighborhood start singing songs about boogeymen while jumping rope, consider moving.
-Never, under any circumstance, plan a camping trip that coincides with Friday the 13th.
-A small town’s little summer celebration might sound like fun. But if you hear the locals say things like, “Why you’re the guest of honor! We couldn’t even have the barbecue with out you!”, run like hell.
-If someone tells you to do or not to something (example: DON’T fall asleep, DON’T go out there, DON’T go look for the homicidal-chainsaw-wielding psychopath by yourself) by all means, LISTEN TO THEM!!
-Never go to camp or become a counselor. You’ll be dead by the end of summer.
-Never babysit.There are enough babysitter-in-danger-thanks-to-a-stupid-killer flicks out there already.
-If your children speak to you in Latin or any other language which they should not speak, or if they speak to you using a voice which is not their own, shoot them immediately. It will save you the grief in the long run. *NOTE* It will probably take several rounds to kill them, so be prepared.
-Never read a book of demon summoning aloud, even as a joke.

Hope you all stay alive long enough to finish this list but judging by the fact you haven't noticed the man with a chainsaw behind you i doubt that. HAPPY HALLOWEEN